Soft swinging
Soft swinging is like the gentle breeze of non-penetrative fun outside of your main squeeze, unlike the full-swing extravaganza where couples trade places for a more intimate exchange.
Picture this: you're in a non-monogamous or open relationship, and everyone's on the same page—no hopping into bed with anyone other than your main squeeze. In the swingers' lingo, 'soft' is the term for partner-switching shenanigans involving kisses, touches, or a bit of oral delight.
In the world of straight relationships, there's often a spotlight on the whole penetration scene. That might be why some folks playfully label any other flirtatious frolics as 'soft.'
It's all in good fun!
Could engaging in 'soft swinging' actually bring some relationship benefits to the table? While the debate on this practice continues, it has the potential to spice up couples' sex lives and serve as a gentle introduction to non-monogamy.
When approached with care, soft swinging can add excitement to sex, fostering intimacy and connection between partners. Successfully navigating consensual non-monogamy, as required in soft swinging, also builds trust—a valuable skill for any relationship.
Soft swinging may serve as a testing ground, allowing couples to explore whether full swinging or other forms of consensual non-monogamy could enhance their relationship.
In cases where partners have differing libidos or are uncomfortable with certain activities, soft swinging can provide an outlet for those desires.
Tracey French, SpicyMatch resident sex therapist adds that soft swinging may help sidestep the emotional and moral pressures society often associates with penetrative sex. By doing so, it can contribute to avoiding negative emotions, such as shame, tied to societal expectations surrounding intercourse.
Thinking about introducing 'soft swinging' into your relationship?
The initial step is to embark on an open and honest discussion.
According to Tracey, it's crucial to delve into why you're interested, how it might enhance your relationship, the necessary boundaries to establish, and how to address potential challenges. Rushing into an open relationship without clear communication and a comprehensive understanding of each other's expectations is not advisable.
Taking the time to thoroughly discuss and process thoughts and emotions around the idea is essential, says Tracey. To further explore the concept, consider discussing soft-swinging fantasies or even engaging in role-playing at home to gauge emotional reactions.
Tracey also suggests conducting online research and reaching out to individuals involved in swinging or soft-swinging to gain a better understanding of what it entails and the available options. Joining a swingers online network like SpicyMatch can introduce you to other couples, members of the network that are into soft swinging.
Tracey recommends that couples attend a swingers club together to acclimate to the idea. Venturing into a swingers club doesn't necessarily entail immediate participation in sexual activities; couples can go simply to gauge their comfort level and take things at their own pace.
What boundaries should be put in place?
Ultimately any boundaries created will differ depending on each couple’s desires. But there are a few things Isabelle suggests deciding upon before you try soft swinging:
- Agree exactly which types of sexual activities are allowed and which are off-limits.
- Be clear about whether you want to try soft swinging as a potential gateway to full swinging or if this would be your limit.
- Discuss safe sex practices and agree on how to manage the potential risks.
- Agree on a safe word or signal to use if one of you feels uncomfortable in a session.
- Discuss the emotional component of bringing other people into your sex life and how to manage if feelings for another person do arise.
Tracey French also suggests discussing how you want to react when you meet people you have been intimate with, in the soft swinging community, in day-to-day interactions.
‘If you bump into each other in the shops – do you chat as friends, or do you blank each other and get on with your day?’
Aftercare is also an important part of the process, says Isabelle. It should involve checking in with each other about how you felt during the experience and whether you are still on the same page and want to continue.
‘This is also a great way to nurture the connection with your partner after the session,’ she concludes.