8 Things to Know About BDSM

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SpicyMatch UK
Fri, Dec 29, 2023

If you're gearing up to dive into the realm of bondage and BDSM for the first time, excitement is totally justified. However, before you unleash your inner kinkiness with all the spanking paddles and more, a bit of knowledge can go a long way. The way BDSM is portrayed on TV and in movies isn't always accurate, leading to some misconceptions about the world of sexual play. Being well-informed ensures that your experience is not only enjoyable but also goes off without a hitch. Here's what you should know before taking the plunge.

1. Prioritize Safety

In the world of kinky play, the rule of thumb is always to keep things safe, sane, and consensual (SSC). These principles are paramount in the BDSM community and should be upheld in all relationships. It boils down to a straightforward mantra: safety takes precedence, and you should take every measure to safeguard your well-being. Engage in kinky play only when you are in a sensible and sound state of mind. Plus, ensure full consent from all parties involved, bearing in mind that consent can be withdrawn at any moment.

2. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Engaging in BDSM involves blending pain and pleasure, and it's crucial to remain attuned to your partner's needs at all times. While spanking represents one of the gentler aspects of pain play, it's essential to adhere to certain rules to prevent any lasting harm. Communication, whether through words or physical cues, lies at the heart of BDSM. Pay close attention to your partner's reactions and customize your actions accordingly, ensuring a consensual and enjoyable experience. You've likely come across the concept of "safe words," and that's because they're incredibly crucial. When engaging in any form of sexual play, establishing safe words is essential, providing an immediate way to exit the situation if necessary. The traditional safe words often follow the 'traffic light system.' Red signifies a clear "stop, immediately" signal. Yellow communicates, "I'm approaching my hard limits, so ease up a bit." Meanwhile, green indicates, "Yes, that feels good—keep it going!"

3. Be prepared

When using handcuffs, ensure you have two sets of keys within reach to promptly release your partner if necessary.

4. Stay Sober

We've all had our fair share of stumbling on the dance floor after a few drinks, and while that can be embarrassing, we can imagine it would be ten times worse in the bedroom. Moreover, it could increase the risk of accidents. Even though it might be more tempting to engage in sex games when you're a bit tipsy, it's advisable to avoid trying bondage under the influence of alcohol. Being inebriated might lead to misjudging how tightly to tie the knots.

5. Discuss Your Dislikes

It's crucial to choose your words carefully. Before delving into dirty talk, make sure to identify any words that either of you considers a particular turn-on or turn-off. In the heat of the moment, using a word that your partner finds unappealing, offensive, or both can quickly dampen the mood.

6. Let’s get Physical

After you've aced the vocabulary and are set to dive in, it's wise to start things off slowly—especially if you're transitioning from 'vanilla' sex to bondage, which can be quite a leap. While this could be as straightforward as engaging in rough doggy-style sex while incorporating dirty talk, you can also introduce slightly more daring elements into your play. This might involve activities like hair pulling, face slapping (avoid striking anywhere near the ear, as it could harm someone's eardrum), nibbling, and incorporating sex toys.

7. Incorporate Accessories

When it comes to props, there's no need to break the bank. You can easily repurpose items you already have at home. Ties, scarves, and dressing gown cords can all serve as effective restraints for a partner (although it's advisable not to use anything you hold dear; there's always the chance you might have to cut your partner out of their bonds if the knots become too tight, and you wouldn't want to ruin your favorite tie in the process. While tights and stockings might seem suitable, they are less than ideal as the knots can become excessively tight, and the fabric may dig in uncomfortably.

8. Beyond the Bedroom

If you're savoring the pleasures of bondage, why not extend the fun beyond the bedroom? It's essential to recognize that it's not solely about sex: If you wish to explore the concept in different ways, trying on an outfit chosen by your partner can be a playful beginning. The collar is a classic symbol of submissive attire, indicating that the 'submissive' is 'owned' by their partner. These collars come in various styles, ranging from pink faux fur-lined leatherette to more imposing-looking spiked metal versions."